wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
