I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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