i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
