break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
