how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
