well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
