I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
