How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
