I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize