i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
