My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
