hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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