I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
