I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
