we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
