I'm eating all of the evidence.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
