I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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