You just made me feel so damn special
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
