i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
