No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
