I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
