You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
