Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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