To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I AM VODKA MAN
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
