my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
