when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
