i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
