There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We're too hungover to prance.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
