she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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