He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
