my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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