I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
