Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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