It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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