I showed him my bush... on skype.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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