honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
