I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
God, I missed his penis.
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