Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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