I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
