I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
