I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
