thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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