I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
