I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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