Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
