i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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