you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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