on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
