i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
