i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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