At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I want her autograph on my taint
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
