i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
