Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
