Swine flu is the new snow day.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
