I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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