I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
