Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
