i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
