dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
