I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
