every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
