Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
