I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
