I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
