I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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